How can I say good-bye to you

 As I stand in the place of our meeting,

in a paddock of winnowing golden grasses,

summer winds stroke my arms,

while tall and silent mountains smile down upon me,

the whispering voices speak to my heart

and as I t all comes back,  i feel everything. 

 I kneel beside a riverbed of yesterdays,

 waiting at night for the ghosts to embrace me.

Yet still I wonder....

How can I say good-bye to you?

Every you and every day, all the moments held in crystal nights,

a love that never left me,

but has waited here until today.

I am back in the town where we met,

on the streets that melt with the summer sunshine of January

and a new years day,

with hallowed homes and winding driveways,

where my feet tussle with the dust and memories of forty years 

waiting for the return,

Of you, and me.

All that is mine, I have carried with me until now,

and I can't quite stand,

the stillness of all that ever was and can never be again,

pulsing in the air that I can barely breathe,

seeing all this magnificence that welcomes me back.

Home. 

How can I say good-bye to you?

Will I ever come back and still find you here?

Time may never stand still again 

like it has for this day.

There is a full moon tonight.

Can you even believe that could happen?

While I lie in a strange bed and stare out a familiar window

listening to the river singing the songs that I have carried,

in my heart for all these years.

My spirit sings through the night while I sleep,

and I wake to your laughter and the aromas of a cooked breakfast,

made with mirth by you.

But of course, I am dreaming and only the birds talk to me while the sun rises.

My heart I has carried the hope for this day that I thought would never come,

when I could stand with you and even talk about the life we shared together,

and everything that was snatched from us.

How can I say good-bye to you and leave behind,

all that is dear and the biggest life I ever had,

for time that changed me forever until now.

I cannot say good-bye.

Yet, still I travel over a mountain of marbled memories,

with a friend that I have barely seen for forty years,

someone that was a part of you and has now become a piece of me,

a gem in my heart, to carry through life.

Did you ever wish and did we ever dream that we could be together,

again?

I never knew how much I have longed for these few days,

the ocean waves that washed my soul in a light I've never felt for 40 years,

with a healing I can now receive,

and a good-bye that I could never say,

with words that my heart is now free to release into this wide bay of remembrance.

Even low tide looks good down here,

the rain is so friendly...

I think I can say good-bye.

I have spent a week looking for you,

behind every tree, under every piece of river slate,

beneath sunrises and sunsets,

in blooming dahlias and the tangle of ripe blackberries.

The river keeps flowing,

taking life, stirring up leaves and churning bubbles of a water

almost too pure to drink.

I wonder where you really are?

What am I supposed to say good-bye to?

I travel over the tall, twisting mountains,

down highways of fruit, hops, pubs

Memories falling by the wayside of long ago happiness.

I won't leave you here,

any or all of this that we made togther....

the ocean, river, mountain, sea and snow,

nights of wine and honeysuckle.

All of it comes with me,

it's mine that I will carry forever.

And I will never say good-bye to you.